MD Anderson

Ok, I promised to write about my visit to MDA ... and it took me a while to do so. Yes, I am not as prolific as some other bloggers and cancer warriors. For many reasons/excuses... One, I am constantly tired and even computer makes me exhausted after 30-40 mins. Two, when I feel good I don't want to think about cancer -- I want to live and Andryusha comes as number one life choice :). Third, being sick makes you ponder what's really important. So much stuff is just meaningless and sometimes I wonder what do I really need to say -- is it important? who cares? Most of the time, I feel like there is not much to say that's really important. If I were to give the big speech (say, I were to die) -- it would be about love, the need to love and be loved. It'd would be about life, our purpose in it and life to come in the next world. Not about what I eat and how I sleep, what meds I take or how sick I get from chemo. So since I am not dying I am saving the big talk for later :) For now, excuse me for writing scarcely (or too much or just enough) -- I am moving on to MDA story.

The scoop is that this time the doctors' opinions of my treatment plan differ - a lot. The MDA onc would like me to do all scans and test at MDA from now on and I am set to go back to them on May 4. I was rather confused by the guy's attitude - overly confident and somewhat arrogant. He didn't look at my previous slides/films and I didn't particularly enjoyed his communication style (I felt stupid as no matter what question I asked he would tell me not to worry and would not go into details and explanations) In fact, he didn't listen much and interrupted both Raymond and I. I am not sure I want to go back to him but I consulted again with my current onc and he didn't mind me doing the scans/tests there. We'll see if there is any difference. Honestly, something tells me I am clear now - I've had the feeling for the last few weeks, where as before my guts where all alarmed and troubled. Bottom line, the onc at MDA stated that I am not a candidate for transplant and I don't need to do 2 more month and -- get this -- I don't even have to be clean. This was way on the opposite side of my onc, who wants me to be clean and once I am clean to do 2 more months + rads to ensure I don't relapse. Of course, I'd love to be done with chemo, but I would also love to be done with this crap once and forever! No relapse!!! So I am torn. I lean towards my current onc as I feel he wants the best for me and he is being aggressive yet conservative with his treatment plan. The MDA onc is probably smart and witty but I felt like I am just another routine case when talking to him so I am not sure how thorough he was in his analysis (if there were any). What do ya'll think?
I also got a good advise - to get a third opinion, so I am working on that in the mean time (it's not easy to switch doc's at MDA).

Next Tuesday is chemo again - this will be my 12th treatment - I've been doing this for 5+ months now (I can't believe it). Last Friday was my worst day in the entire 6 months and I am now just happy to be alive and moving on my own. I got this new drug for bone pain that is like morphine and I was all ready for being high and relaxed and having great visions; instead I got so nauseous I could not hold anything down and ended up vomiting 3 times in a row. I was gone and it was horrible -- I had to take another drug to combat the nausea. I could not eat anything entire day - I was miserable. But then by Monday I felt great -- like being myself again. I filed taxes, sorted/threw away a bunch of papers and even organized some stuff around the house. I felt so happy to be able to do things again!!! Too bad I only have 2 days left before I go into the black hole again. So here is a scoop of mundane stuff in case you wanted some :)

Next, I'll post some cool pics of Andryusha - stay tuned!