Looking inward, looking outward

So it took us a few days to cry out all the tears we’ve had, wonder and ponder the ever eternal “why?”, then calm down, think of all the options and make up our minds. It was hard to decide as the doctor’s said I have a 50-70% chance for it to be successful (way too low for my analytical mind). And really, this is the last resort; meaning if it’s not successful then there is not much to be done to CURE. And when I read stories like these I get inspired, yet I feel very skeptical http://www.hodgkinsfoundation.org/index.html or http://www.alesecoco.org/ Nonetheless, I will give this cancer yet another shot and Monday I’ll be checking in to MDA for a higher doze chemo – ESHAP, which takes 5 days so I hope to be back home by Saturday. Raymond will be staying with Andryusha in a hotel nearby (please call him and help him out with the baby if you can).

Anyway, I’ll then have 2 weeks to recoup, then back for another round. You know I am not afraid or scared of anything anymore, I just don’t want any more pain. On the positive note, we are ever grateful for all the charities that are supporting MD Anderson patients. And thanks to our social worker Nancy one of the organizations will provide the hotel for free for 5 days. And we are already planning for the next 3 months. Several churches provide subsidized apartments (at $30 a day which is way less than any hotel around) so we are in the waiting line.

Wish me luck – that I tolerate the ESHAP well but above all that it works (I really need to be in remission before they proceed with SCT to increase my success rate).

P.S.: Thank you for all the e-mails and calls – we appreciate your support, your desire to help. Your love and care strengthens me as I prepare for the big fight ahead. SPASIBO!