Story time ... so to speak

Tomorrow is the PET scan – at the crack of dawn -- my favorite time :(
Thursday is the CAT scan and Friday we will go to Austin just not to drill ourselves about the results. Hope no one asks me ‘how am I doing’ … last time we got too anxious – all for nothing. So this time I don’t even want to remember I have cancer. I don’t – not this weekend. Then Monday will be back to reality – the results.

Now, I’ve mentioned how much happened during my second week at the hospital. Really, I keep learning each and every day and the most valuable lessons are from those ahead of me on the journey so to speak. I’ll share the 2 most striking ones.

So I met this good looking lady from Florida – first person at MD Anderson who has had the same type of cancer – lymphoma – stage 2 bulky – chest & neck. She was diagnosed 2 years ago at almost 55. She was (and is) very fit and like me she started on standard chemo (ABVD). She responded great and went into complete remission. Then, 3 months later, she relapsed (meaning, cancer came back). And it came back more aggressive. So they recommended she goes for auto SCT (her own stem cells). She did ESHAPs like I just did and again went into complete remission so they proceeded with SCT once she recovered from pneumonia (almost everyone catches some sort of infection). She thought that SCT had surely cured her – wrong. Cancer came back just 2 months after SCT. So she came to MD Anderson – they suggested the allo SCT (donor cells). Her brother turned out to be a 100% match and when I met her she was 56 days post transplant. I was shocked to hear her story … especially, knowing that if this SCT does not work then there is not much left to do – this is her last resort for cure. I asked her how she feels about her situation and was even more shocked to hear her reply: “As long as this SCT lasts me a year or two I’ll be happy because by then they will surely come up with some other new drugs to cure me with.” I thought: “Wow, what an attitude and an angle to look at things!” She looked good – hard to believe she just had the transplant (other than the hat on). She laughed saying that throughout the whole thing most people didn’t believe she had cancer. She just didn’t look sick … I so understand her. I hear the same stuff all the time … I just hope my path will be different. But I am adapting her attitude … after all, who cares what’s ahead. We will all die, sooner or later. I personally prefer earlier but because we have Andryusha I am going to stick around as long as he needs me. In the meantime, I am living each day to the fullest I can – life is short to waste it on worrying on what’s ahead or dwelling on how bad things are or may be.

And here is my second lesson: I went to the MD Anderson salon in hopes of getting my wigs trimmed a bit. I had to wait as there was a girl ahead of me. I wondered if she was a patient as she had a full head of hair and looked pretty normal. She just had a wide band on her forehead. Well, when she sat in the chair and took it off -- my God -- her whole right side of the forehead was purple/black. I felt sick in my stomach – it was ugly to say the least. Turns out she has a brain tumor that’s spreading out all over. I asked her how is her treatment going. She replied that they’ve tried some new experimental vaccine but it didn’t do anything … I was speechless and silent. What do you say to something like this? “Don’t worry, it will be ok”? Not really; I saw a mark of death, I could not sugar coat and be overly hopeful. Then the hair stylist asked about the weekend plans and I was in for more shock. Turns out she’s got 2 kids: a 4 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. And if that’s not enough, an ex-husband who is giving troubles. Can it be any worse? Yes, it can … she said she has no support from anyone other that her mom … and she’s got no insurance. I was sad and totally blown away. And still it was not the end… she then said how they were praying the other day and once they were done her daughter said to her: “Mommy, when you go to heaven, I want to go with you. Can I come with you?”
My lessons: 1. When I was diagnosed I didn’t complain about “why me?” (cause really why not me?” Instead, I’ve always asked: “Why now? With a newborn in my hands?” It seams like I know the answer now … Thank God, Andryusha is too small to talk and understand what’s going on … 2. I thought I had it pretty bad… how naïve! The old proverb is so true: “There’ll always be someone who is doing better than you and always there’ll someone doing worse”. I was so relieved to know I am not in the very rock bottom :) isn’t it funny that we feel better when we know that someone else has it harder than we do? I hope you all feel much better now!!! LOL